Help please - alcoholic friend

[Ismee]

I've been reading over our whats apps over the last couple of years. She really did try to stop.There were many tragedies in her life and she never got help or really spoke about her feelings, she pushed it all down and eventually her head couldn't cope.

The drinking started in 2022, she went into rehab and managed 7 months sober after that but then her husband was diagnosed with cancer early 2023 and she started drinking again and it just got progressively worse.

But she was so much more than an alcoholic and we can hopefully take comfort from the many great memories we have of her. I've been looking over photos of her the last few days. When we were kids, teenagers, each other bridesmaids, she was TBL's Godmother. So many memories.

It is so very complicated for her children but hopefully they will get the support they need. I am hoping to see them in the next few days, her husband is going to let me know when is good as he's a bit overwhelmed with everything at the moment. I speak to her sister several times a day and we are helping each other - it was me and her supporting each other every time the drinking was bad too.

[SunnyMum]

Is, its heartbreaking. I'm so glad you can see further than the disease and remember her how she really was.

[Blondiejude]

I am so sorry to read this, sending you loads of love Ismee, you were a true friend to her and all I can say is remember it is a disease, it’s just so sad it takes so many.
Treasure your memories and I hope your as ok as you can be x

[Luce]

I can’t stop thinking about you all and her family and especially those poor babies. I didn’t realise the drinking was so ‘recent’, as it were. They must have been so confused and she must have been in so much pain.

[Lily]

You were clearly a wonderful friend to her and now to her family. My heart goes out to you all x

[Morganna]

I can’t stop thinking about you all and her family and especially those poor babies. I didn’t realise the drinking was so ‘recent’, as it were. They must have been so confused and she must have been in so much pain.

Yes, that's surprised me too - you tend to think that addiction creeps up slowly and damage happens over a long period, but obviously not.

[Ismee]

Just wanted to update this.

We finally got to have the funeral yesterday. It was so sad but very beautiful. I read a poem at the beginning, it was so hard but I did it. Her husband did a beautiful eulogy all about their life together, he also addressed her depression and addiction. There has been lots of speculation at her children's school that she committed suicide which she did not. We still do not know exactly how she died but she did not consciously kill herself that day. He wanted it to be cleared up and also for them to know that it was depression and her struggles with her mental health that led to the the drinking.
I stayed the night with her sister the night before. She also read out a beautiful eulogy about their life. She has lost her Mum, her Brother and now her sister and is the only one left which is just devastating. But the difference is she talks, cries, laughs openly about it all which helps her to get through, something that Joanne really struggled to do.

Her husband has his Mum over from Australia which the children are loving. The children are doing well, he is caring for them well and at least there is no longer chaos in their lives although they obviously miss her and are sad and confused about everything.

I really don't know what the future holds for them all. At the moment he is healthy so we will focus on that and hope it stays that way for a long time. I am going to see them all next weekend.

I will miss my friend so much, she is part of so many of my memories and was so special to me. But I am glad she isn't suffering anymore.

Thanks for being there through this.

[Derek Nimmo]

All the love Is x

[Disco]

Oh Is, again I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m glad you got through the day and I hope you can all support each other.

[sally maclennane]

It sounds like a lovely tribute to her but how hard it must have been for you all. I'm glad that her husband got to say his part too, the speculation must be so difficult for him to deal with.

Hope you are ok, be sure to look after yourself while you look after others x

[Morganna]

The funeral sounds very bitter-sweet, Is.

I echo Sal's words - do make time for self-care. Sometimes when big things are over is when they really hit us.

[Montana]

Well done for managing to read the poem, Ismee. I hope your many happy memories of your friend continue to provide comfort as time goes by.

[Ismee]

Thanks all.

A colleague suggested i use a counselling service we get through work and I am thinking about it. I have so many feelings about it all including lots of guilt which deep down I know isn't justified but I can't help feeling.

[Marth]

Oh Ismee. It sounds heartbreaking but beautiful. You did such a lovely thing. Take care, your friend sounded lovely and she has some really beautiful lovely friends and family

[sally maclennane]

Thanks all.

A colleague suggested i use a counselling service we get through work and I am thinking about it. I have so many feelings about it all including lots of guilt which deep down I know isn't justified but I can't help feeling.

Do consider it. It's a very different situation but I've used counselling through work and it's been very helpful.

Obviously you have nothing to feel guilty about, but maybe it would help.you to talk it through with someone neutral?

[Ruby]

Thanks all.

A colleague suggested i use a counselling service we get through work and I am thinking about it. I have so many feelings about it all including lots of guilt which deep down I know isn't justified but I can't help feeling.

I think you should do this. It's really such a horrible shock. Give yourself lots of permission to feel whatever you're feeling. Guilt is such a horrible emotion.

[Lily]

Is, you have truly done your friend proud. You and her family. The poor woman; she sounds so very, very unhappy and ill. There is peace for her, now, at least. Definitely take up the offer of ccounselling. Guilt is entirely natural, albeit misplaced; allow yourself time to just feel everything. That's the only way to get through this.

[Dutchie]

Echoing what the others have said, please do make use of the counselling available to you. Even if it is only for 1 or 2 sessions, it would be good to talk through your feelings with someone neutral.

The funeral sounds like it was a very fitting send-off for your lovely friend. Wishing you and her family everything that you need to deal with this loss. Xxx