Time For A Change

[baargain]

Oh that is great, Lola! Now that is the reaction you want from a boss. I hope it all goes well with your mum.

Well, I have two weeks left! Everyone now knows, and the general conversation after people hear seems to be "shiiit, if Baa is off, then it must be really shit" and to be fair, it has just got worse and worse and worse at work, so I have timed this all exceedingly well. Almost everyone seems to be looking for other jobs, calls to the speak out guardian and HR are at record levels, and the senior leadership team are just doubling down and being exceedingly strange.

I did my exit interview, and it has been sent to the Head of HR who already knew a lot of the stuff going on (via the speak out lady and the general HR complaints). She's taken the themes out of my exit interview, and is discussing this (plus other feedback/concerns) with the boss of the head of the whole service we're a massive service in a massive NHS trust, so oh my lord I emailed the head of HR yesterday to offer to speak directly to her/the big big boss if they wanted to, so watch this space!

I'm half set up for private therapy life, I have a laptop, and a phone, and half a website I'm just waiting on my insurance to be sorted, got to line up a clinical supervisor, and then get myself out there on various registers and referral companies. I am visiting a local place that has rooms for various types of therapists tomorrow, I'm not sure what the f2f demand will be like, but it'll be good to have the option if I need it.

Hoooo.

[Princess Morripov]

You’ve got this, Baa!

[baargain]

I've already had people asking if they can pass me clients/their family and friends, my supervisor friends in the service are all recommending me to other therapists in the service who are looking to set up privately. I think I should be OK

[Beena]

I'm struggling and not sure whether I'm being over-sensitive or there is something deeper going on. I currently work with J and that is fine, we stay professional and have clear boundaries. He's recently accepted an offer with another organisation some distance away, but only an hour by train. It's a good move and I'm genuinely proud of him.

However, since the news broke, there is a general assumption that I'll leave too, with an implicit (and on occasion explicit) belief that it is unfair to expect J to make the commute.(I've had to bite my tongue several times - seriously an hour by train is unfair, but it's entirely reasonable that I'll give up my career and financial independence?). Of course, if an opportunity came up that I was interested in, I'd consider it, but that would have been the case regardless and surely would be the case for anyone?

Colleagues making assumptions is one thing; my line manager is something else. In the last week, there's been two slip ups in public where she's spoken about me as if I've already gone. In private, she's steered the conversation on 4 occasions to general musings about 'my progression' - all my transferable skills if I wanted to look outside the profession, vacancies that potentially might come up that I am not remotely qualified for or interested in, would we rent out the property or sell, perhaps x would be okay as a base as its commutable from y, how she might carve up my job in future - all just thinking aloud, you understand. My absolute favourite was being told that J is going to be so difficult to replace, but there are some really good people in the tier under me so she's less worried there.

I came home in tears most days last week and had a panic attack on the drive into work on Thursday.

[Marth]

That does sound very disquieting, Beena. Living in London (previously) an hour commute is nothing. It's sort of normal.

[Beena]

We made a 3 hour round trip everyday for 10 years before moving, so yes, it's nothing remarkable. J isn't worried by it.

I'm feeling blindsided, if I'm honest. There were no issues until J was offered the job, they're paying for staff development I asked for despite budgets being tight. I'm probably overthinking, but the comments are getting to me. You can only be told that you're leaving so many times before you realise no-one's asking you to stay.

[baargain]

The comments would definitely get to me too, it sounds shitty and beyond thoughtless.

[Rebel Pebble]

Have you explicitly said you're not planning to leave? Their assumptions and bias are clearly shit and unless you put an end to it, it sounds like they're going to continue saying stuff and it's going to keep upsetting you.

I'd be tempted to, very breeziiy and ever so slightly pass aggly, say to your manager "Oh, I'm sorry, you seem to have the wrong end of the stick. It's just J who's leaving. Don't worry - I'm not going anywhere, I'm sure you'll be pleased to hear! "

Unless of course you rather WANT to leave now.

[Luce]

Surely they can assume all they want but you can’t just assume someone out of employment! Have you corrected them explicitly? I agree that is a very strange for you to have to do!

[Beena]

Explicitly, bold and underlined, in CAPS. The first couple of times I pulled her up breezy pass-ag, but as she's persisted, it's gone from firmer, to exasperated and now I'm just angry. I can't talk about how it's making me feel without bursting into tears.

Thursday panic attack was the result of telling J how I wasn't looking forward to an additional 1 to 1 she'd pencilled in to discuss 'options'. On Friday, she appeared at the end of the day to air some thoughts about shifting over an area of my responsibility while they are rewriting his job description. The one area I've developed specific expertise in and she knows I don't want to lose.

I don't know if this is thoughtlessness, worry, or if I'm actually being managed out. I'm keeping a list of conversations and plan to dig in my heels for now, all the while quickly plugging gaps in my CV. I don't really know what else I can do.

[Lola]

I have applied for a new job It’s at my current company & could potentially be part time too so I’m going to ask for 4 days if I get it.

I told my boss & his little face dropped and I feel like I’ve betrayed him A man would not feel like this!

[baargain]

Hello! So I have been going for about 3 months now, and I thought you might all like an update

It is going well! I have four clients who are self-funded, and found me on google/various therapist directories/word of mouth, I'm also signed up with a medley of health Insurers, and some referral agencies (middle men for health insurers, employee assistance programmes, legal/solicitor claim type work), and have five clients on the go from referral agencies (and have completed with another two already). A company found me on a therapist directory, and have sent me four clients who have all been in car crashes (car insurance is footing the bill). I am going to develop a driving phobia soon

I see people online, and face to face. It seems there is a big old gap in f2f CBT/EMDR provision around me, so that is proving quite popular to the self funders, and to some referral agencies. I have a nice little room at the local community centre - it's ridiculously cheap, but nicely done out, and the staff are fab. I knew some of them from NHS days, which helped me get in the door I think. I get a discounted rate for being a lone therapist

I have a website, and business cards, and leaflets. It's been entertaining learning about marketing, website design, payments, negotiating, new spreadsheets, accounting shizzle, blah blah blah.

So it seems like it was a good move all in all - the clients are either a bit complicated and headscratchy (but in a good way, as I just say no and signpost if they're too spicy), or are hilariously straightforward (the kind of clients my old service should have been seeing, but are all being seen via health insurance/legal claims). It seems to have worked out that I am pretty much picking up one client a week, and if I get to 16, then I will make about the same amount of money as I did in the NHS (even accounting for a lot of pension, and overestimating my expenses). So I am not destitute, and although I am using some savings still, I have been hiding work-money away to prepare myself for upcoming expenses. I'm hoping that I might not need to raid the savings from August onwards.

My old service is in turmoil, management are no better, there are redundancies (not in my old team, but a bunch of my mates are on the list), my old colleagues are describing the work situation as "bleak" and "horrible", so it appears that I have made a good choice.

[Cerise]

That’s great, Baa! It’s hard to go it alone but I’m so glad it’s working out for you. I was surprised at how much I enjoyed learning about marketing and the like!

[baargain]

I am also surprised at enjoying all of that stuff! I guess it's more fun when you're doing it just for you and no one else

[bramblerose]

That sounds very positive Baa. My friend retrained as a counsellor a few years ago and is doing well. There appears to be no shortage of clients.

[Kenickie]

I'm so pleased for you, you've done really well in such a short space of time.

[Beena]

I'm late to this, but that is so lovely to read, Baa. I'm so glad it's all working out for you.

I probably need to make a decision I don't want to make soon. There's a stealth restructure coming - merging teams was put forward by my line manager as a potential cost-saving a while back, and while the senior team didn't take it up, the idea appears to have taken root with her. It will mean either doubling the number of services (and reports) I'm responsible for, or accepting a demotion. Neither appeals. There are limited opportunities locally so I'd need to look out of county if I were to leave. That would mean relocating when we're happy and settled here.

I have my thoughts. I've also deleted a longer rant about the politics of the situation. None of that changes anything, does it? It really does feel like being stuck between a rock, a hard place and another hard place.

[Lily]

Baa, that's brilliant news. I'm so glad it's going well for you. Are we able to refer people to you? or ourselves?

Beena, what a stressful time. Is it worth looking around and seeing if there's anything like hybrid working available?

[Beena]

I'd probably need remote, Lily. It takes so long to travel anywhere from here that a hybrid job wouldn't work. I look every day, but those types of jobs are hens' teeth. I feel completely overwhelmed with everything at the moment, to the point that I'm having to force myself to do the basics. Its not a way to be.

[baargain]

Lily, you can send people to my website! https://www.stephaniebryanttherapy.com/ I built it myself, and it appears to be working to entice people in! My mate did the photos, and I'm slowly tweaking it over time. Urgh.

I am almost full now, which is bananas. I had 8 car crash bods at their peak and had to tell the company to calm down about me, I also have a surprising amount of self funders, they're meant to be tricky to entice in, but I think my f2f room helps, and I tweaked my profiles/websites to be more focused on the particular work I like doing, and to make the blurb more about what the client will get from me, rather than why I like doing therapy, and that seems to have worked nicely.

Beena, that sounds miserable, both of the options do it's so hard when you're out on a limb geographically.